A guy asked me to give him counterfeit money.
Yeahhh, that happened.
This guy walks up to my window and tells me he wants to cash his paycheck. To paint a picture for your imagination he looked like Ryan Gosling only heavier, more tan, and dirty (he worked as a maintenance guy on a high school football field). I'd be lying to you if I told you I didn't think this guy was real good lookin. I mean I like guys that could like pick me up and toss me over their shoulder with little to no effort and I like for them to actually do work, like physical labor. Anyway, I asked if he had an account with us, he told me that no he did not. I gave him the instructions that I give every check casher, "I just need your ID. And your right thumb print on the front of the check, preferably near the signature line. Please sign the back." So as I'm processing the transaction we exchanged some witty banter, and it was pretty fun! Well, he looked behind him and he saw that I had a line forming so he asked for a brochure and let me know that he was going to read over it. But instead of leaving he just stepped to the next empty window and read the brochure. When I handled all the transactions I looked at him and asked was he ready to open the account. He said no he didn't want to open an account but he did want to take me to dinner that weekend. I told him sure and gave him my number (I don't normally give my number to customers but I had a change of heart).
The next day I got a call from a number I didn't recognize and it turned out to be him. We ended up both being busy that weekend but we made a plan to go out during the week. We decided to meet up at a local bar that has karaoke every night and I was pretty excited about it! Well I got there and he was waiting for me, so I went and sat down and ordered a beer. Not gonna lie, from that moment on he was a total a d-bag. He made comments about having drank like a whole 6 pack before he met up with me, and that he smoked a pack of cigarettes that day as well..... I don't know why he wanted me to know that but whatever, I wasn't impressed. I don't normally check my phone when I'm on a date but I looked at it a couple of times and he made snide comments about that. Now being a banker I was genuinely interested in knowing why he didn't seem to want to open an account at my bank. He basically told me that he didn't have an account anywhere and that he didn't plan on opening one. **Anyone who works in a bank would recognize this as an automatic red flag because most people who don't want to open an account and don't have accounts elsewhere probably either owe a bank money (in which case, they are unable to open an account) or they might have a DHS levy or something equally as serious (if you have a DHS levy or anything of the sort then basically any money you deposit is going to be taken out by the government).** He then told me that he has a safe that he keeps all of his money is and that it had about $100 in it. Okayyyyy, and so the night continues.... There was a guy who went up to karaoke and he was very good so I was listening to him and I remembered his name because he went up multiple times, I mentioned that I thought the guy was good and my date basically told me that I should try to get his number. Are you kidding me? I told him that was silly and explained that I just thought he was a good singer.
Fast forward about 30 minutes and that's when it happened. The final straw, ladies and gentlemen. Trying to make conversation I told him about a guy who had gone to Subway and the change that he received was a counterfeit $5 bill. We talked about my training and how easy it is for me (and probably anyone who isn't blind) to spot a counterfeit bill. I got to telling him about all the security features that are in our currency and he seemed only slightly interested in what I was saying. So he asks me "how often do you get counterfeit money, what do you do with it?" I told him that it doesn't happen very often but when it does it's basically a pain because there is a lot of paperwork involved. I told him that after a co-worker of mine had quit the cash in his drawer became mine and that co-worker had 3 counterfeit $20 bills that he had been stashing in order to avoid the paperwork (dick move!). I said that I had had them in my drawer for a few days because I didn't want to do the paperwork (it really is tedious, y'all)... His response was "well, you could float me those bills and I could take care of them for you......" Uhhh say what? No. Some things bankers don't joke about and that is stealing money, counterfeit or not, from the bank. Needless to say I had an emergency come up and had to leave at that point because I wasn't trying to hear about this dude wanting to live a life of crime.
Obviously I didn't talk to him again, and he never came back to my branch.