Monday, August 25, 2014

i'm coming clean.

I want to be up front and honest with everyone who takes the time to read my posts. You may have noticed that sometimes I go for awhile without posting, it's not because I don't want to because I seriously think about my blog ALL THE TIME but sometimes I just don't have it in me.

So here it is.... something that yall may or may not know about me is that I suffer from pretty serious depression. My depression is considered clinical which kinda means it's a chemical thing in my brain. It has nothing to do with what is going on in my life and I could have the best life ever but I would still be unhappy. Of course I go thru times where I am happy and am able to have fun but other times it is a struggle. I've been to 2 different counselors and I've been seeing a psychiatrist lately but I just don't "click" with him so I'm in search of someone new.

When I get off at 4 I have often times come home and fallen asleep around 6 and I will stay asleep until my alarm goes off the next morning. In the morning when my alarm goes off it is the hardest thing ever for me to get out of bed and put effort into getting ready. I often go to work with my hair pulled back and no make up on and just feeling crappy. I know that if I took maybe 15 minutes to put on some make up and fix my hair then maybe I would feel a little better but it's easier said than done and I'm not sure that I have it in me.

This is something that I'm trying to overcome daily and even though it isn't something that will ever go away 100% I hope to have it under control soon.

So there you have it.

8 comments:

  1. I am new to your blog, but I absolutely hear you. I find it so difficult to keep a routine when I am dealing with my mental health issues, but the routine helps me so much in the long run.

    It's little things like doing my hair, or shaving my legs (TMI possibly) that makes me feel a bit more human, and less overall crappy. Or taking the time to accomplish one super difficult thing (to me at least).

    Just keep trying :) Your readers will be there when you're able to write.

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    1. Thanks Alicia. I know I would feel better if I spent the time to do my hair or put in some make up but its just so hard sometimes.

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  2. Sorry to hear this Spunky. You are not alone though. My depression is more situational than clinical. Do you take medications and have you found any that help you? Sometimes if I don't feel like doing something but I know I should because it is good for me, I put a time limit on it with no pressure on myself but to do the thing for 15 mins. If I want to quit after 15 mins, then I'm free to do so. Often times, once I start doing the thing, (exercise, cleaning) I get into it and am ready to go longer. Not saying I haven't quit after 15 mins, and even 15 mins of housework can be good (!) but more often than not it's the other way. Hoping you get the support and relief and don't worry about your blog (no pressure). You're on my blog reader. Everyone is dealing with their own burdens and sometimes we need to put even things we enjoy (like blogging) on the back burner for the greater good (self included!). Cheers!

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    1. Thanks Debs. I am taking medicine for it but its definitely not helping, in fact I think I'm worse which is why I'm trying to find a new shrink because the guy I'm going to doesn't seem to hear me saying I am miserable and want to try something else.

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  3. Sorry to hear that Spunky! I'm glad you're able to recognize when something isn't working (like a certain therapist). I also hope you're able to get back to a great routine soon :).

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  4. Jenny from GermanyAugust 25, 2014 at 4:12 PM

    I am fairly new to your blog and so far I have reread all your posts (had the best laugh with the VS giftcard story!) Depression, let's me honest, is a bitch and hard to deal with. I hope for you that you find not only a good but a great psychiatrist who will help you deal with this, get you on the right medication or whatever needs to be done to let you feel more balanced. I just hope you won't stop blogging cause I really love your blog ;) All the best for you, spunky banker!

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    1. Thanks Jenny. I'm definitely working on it and don't worry, I won't stop blogging.

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